Wikileak, UK edition

Dear Congressman,

Today I present a snippet from the Wikileaks secret microphone in the British Prime Minister's office. It was personally planted by Julian Assange when he sneaked in while everyone in the UK was distracted by England's shambolic performance in this summer's World Cup.

The tape is date stamped September 27, 2010 at 10:15am GMT.

First 3 minutes are of general background noises mixed with the sound of someone humming the latest Katy Perry song out-of-tune. This is interrupted by another individual knocking on the main office door.

Prime Minister: Come...

PM Executive Secretary: Prime Minister, I have your call placed and Prince William is waiting on line 3.

Prime Minister: Excellent, thank you Gwynne, that will be all.

Sound of door closing, Prime Minister clearing throat and then picking up a telephone.

Prime Minister: (speaking in a loud voice)
Hello...
Yes, yes, I am well, thank you.
How is your grandmother?
Good, send her my regards.

Will, The last year has been dreadful, both economically and in the World Cup. Not to mention the austerity measures that this government has introduced has everyone marching the streets with pitchforks and torches.

What was that?.... no, no, don't worry, that was a figure of speech, there aren't any actual people headed toward the palace... no William, I believe all those people outside the gate are tourists, as the daily changing of the Guard ceremony is going to occur in about 15 minutes...
Yes, I will wait while you get a drink...

Sound of fingers tapping on a desk and humming of same Katy Perry song, still out of tune...

Feeling better... good...sorry, it was not my intention to startle you.
Now, back to the matter at hand. As for your loyal subjects, I don't know how much more doom and gloom the constituency are willing to endure. So my cabinet and I have discussed the matters in great frequency and have come up with several ideas to help alleviate the malaise that appears to have settled over our fair little island.

Pardon, William... yes, you have an idea to help the financial issues? Yes, I'll listen.

It is a fair idea, Prince William, and I assure you I will present it to my senior staff members as soon as we finish this conversation. I will say that it might cost her majesty's government a little too much money to give every UK citizen a new car. Yes, yes, even if we exclude Wales and Northern Ireland, but I promise to present it to them.

As I was saying, the reason I called is to see if you are willing to do a personal favor to the government that will help to ease the tension in the public and take their minds off their many and troubling personal problems? You are! Splendid!

So tell me William, how is the relationship with that girlfriend of yours? Kate,is it? How is that going along?...