Corrections

Dear Congressman,

As you slumber somewhere in the greater DC area after staying up half the night to vote on the "screw the deficit/give me my money!" bill that sailed through the House last week, I was reviewing some corrections from newspapers that never happened, but thought it would be humorous if they did.

From the Topeka Sun Daily:
In yesterday's addition in a story in the Sports section on page 3, we quoted Kansas City Chief's ex-running back Larry Johnson as stating: You all are the biggest bunch of racists M!@#$( F(@%$%ers I ever done met. Due an error in transcription, Mr Johnson actually said: Does anyone have a Ricola? Thank you!" We apologize for any confusion this error may have caused.

From the Sacramento Herald
Yesterday, in our headline story, we made a minor error when discussing the charges against Congressman Trueall as filed by the Sacramento Police Department. The story should have read that Mr. Trueall was arrested and charged with jaywalking, but instead we stated that Mr. Trueall was arrested in the nude while running down Capital Mall holding two lit roman candles and barking like a dog. We hope our typo did not cause any undo harm to interested parties and regret the mistake.

From the St. Petersburg Vision
It has come to our attention that there were several errors in our story in last Sunday's Living Section entitled "Brian Grayson: Retired Bank President enjoys new life". We received several calls from patrons of the "Salt Shaker Lounge" to refute that Mr. Grayson has ever bought a round of drinks for regular attendees, let alone the multiple times Mr. Grayson has claimed to have done. Additionally, in reference to the incident where Mr. Grayson described rescuing a neighbor's cat from a tree, the neighbor's lawyer indicated that his client, Mr. Grayson's neighbor, did not consider blasting away at his cat with a shotgun while in a drunken stupor a "rescue attempt" and was still considering his legal options in this matter.

and finally...

From the Loma Linda Times
In yesterday's lead story, we reported that Mayor Frank Lindenwald did not return a call as part of our expose on bribes, kickbacks, and graft in City Hall. After we had already gone to print, a person who inferred that he was a representative of the Mayor's office did pay a visit to our offices yesterday to discuss the story, and as part of the agreement to mitigate potential future arson issues at our place of work, we hereby retract all allegations in yesterday's story. In fact, we don't even know who's idea it was to print such as bunch of lame lies and innuendo and when we find out we will be the first to fire them!