Dear Congressman,
I was scanning the news this morning when I was suddenly struck with a major case of "deja vu", courtesy of the Dow Jones newswire:
GM To Buy AmeriCredit For $3.5B
General Motors Co. (GM) said it will acquire auto-finance company AmeriCredit Corp. (ACF) in a $3.5 billion deal aimed at increasing availability of auto loans and leases.
The deal gives GM an in-house auto lender for the first time since it sold control of its GMAC finance arm in 2006, leaving it the only major auto maker without a so-called captive finance arm.
GM sees the acquisition as a way to drive up sales, which is critical as the company plans a return to the public markets as soon as this fall.
"Dealers and customers have said not having in-house finance arm hurts our ability to offer loans and leases," GM Chief Executive Edward E. Whitacre Jr. said in a conference call with auto analysts and media. "We were not as competitive as we could be."
As I gaze at my crystal ball of faded memories, something from the foggy past comes slowing into view...
3rd Rescue Considered for GMAC (NY TIMES)
October 29, 2009, 2:14 am
It might seem like a lot of cash for one super-sized clunker, a good-money-after-bad attempt to jump-start a broken giant of Detroit.
But as the Obama administration contemplates a third rescue of GMAC, the onetime finance arm of General Motors, federal officials, automotive executives and analysts all say the company is — just like the biggest Wall Street firms — too big to fail.
Despite two taxpayer-financed bailouts, GMAC is still struggling, even as its two biggest customers, General Motors and Chrysler, have put bankruptcy behind them, The New York Times’s Eric Dash reported.
So, if I see this correctly, since the only thing that has changed at GM, besides ditching a large load of debt in a massive bankruptcy, is that time has past. Thus, it is now okay that they re-enter the auto finance business using loans to bait people into buying more cars built with mediocre quality standards and hoping to not have too many recalls to wipe out potential profits.
I would not be surprised if, when the economy finally starts to turn around and fuel prices stay steady at their current price levels, that GM comes out with a new line of family-friendly, safety minded, all-American vehicles that provide the comfort that the buying public are crying out for. They will probably give it a name like the E-Vision, pitching that it was built using stringent eco-friendly standards of recycled materials and designed for the 21st century well-informed America proud consumer.
Translation: Re-introduce the SUV, give it a green spin, fabricate it with used parts from all those Ford Explorers turned in during the cash for clunkers deal, and then, the "coup de grace", give away free money using their own financing arm and worry about cash flow later.
Did I miss anything?
To quote Gordon Sumner (aka Sting) "History will teach us nothing..."
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
You can't make this stuff up...
Dear Congressman,
As part of my daily routine, I load up my RSS feed reader and peruse the online news and assorted blogs to see what is going on around the globe. Sometimes I don't see much, and sometimes I hit paydirt.
Today I hit paydirt, courtesy of the UK paper The Daily Telegraph.
Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle
Published: 10:59AM BST 21 Jul 2010
The cross-dressing man was caught with the animal in the dry moat of King Henry VIII's Pendennis Castle overlooking Falmouth Bay in Cornwall.
The 33-year-old mounted the pet after it chased him out of sight of its woman owner.
The owner had been walking around the ancient castle with a friend when the pair spotted the lone transvestite on the morning of Saturday July 10th at around a quarter to twelve.
He was wearing a black dress and walking around the steep-walled, empty moat.
As the two ladies spotted the cross dresser he ran away. Later one of the dogs chased after the man; by the time the women had caught up, the man was having sex with the pet.
Castle staff then restrained the man while police were called.
Pendennis Castle, managed by English Heritage, is a popular family tourist attraction and was heaving with visitors in high season.
He was escorted home and later made a "full and frank confession", and received a caution for outraging public decency.
A police spokesman said: "Other agencies were liaised with and he was handed over to them".
A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare incident".
A "very rare incident"? You think???? I have to believe the "other agencies" the police spokesman is referring to hand out fashionable white bondage shirts and provide free room and board for extended periods of time.
Next time I go to England I will definitely advise anyone I see not to let their dog off the leash....
As part of my daily routine, I load up my RSS feed reader and peruse the online news and assorted blogs to see what is going on around the globe. Sometimes I don't see much, and sometimes I hit paydirt.
Today I hit paydirt, courtesy of the UK paper The Daily Telegraph.
Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle
Published: 10:59AM BST 21 Jul 2010
The cross-dressing man was caught with the animal in the dry moat of King Henry VIII's Pendennis Castle overlooking Falmouth Bay in Cornwall.
The 33-year-old mounted the pet after it chased him out of sight of its woman owner.
The owner had been walking around the ancient castle with a friend when the pair spotted the lone transvestite on the morning of Saturday July 10th at around a quarter to twelve.
He was wearing a black dress and walking around the steep-walled, empty moat.
As the two ladies spotted the cross dresser he ran away. Later one of the dogs chased after the man; by the time the women had caught up, the man was having sex with the pet.
Castle staff then restrained the man while police were called.
Pendennis Castle, managed by English Heritage, is a popular family tourist attraction and was heaving with visitors in high season.
He was escorted home and later made a "full and frank confession", and received a caution for outraging public decency.
A police spokesman said: "Other agencies were liaised with and he was handed over to them".
A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare incident".
A "very rare incident"? You think???? I have to believe the "other agencies" the police spokesman is referring to hand out fashionable white bondage shirts and provide free room and board for extended periods of time.
Next time I go to England I will definitely advise anyone I see not to let their dog off the leash....
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The line at Costco
Dear Congressman,
Yesterday the wife and I went to the northern reaches of Cincinnati to the Costco store at Tri-County. Costco, as you probably already know, is a "big box" discounter that competes with Sam's Club and BJ's stores across the USA. As a practice, we try to go there when it is quiet, usually right after they open or near their closing time. But circumstances dictated that we had to go during weekend peak hours, when everyone and their grandmother were roaming the aisles, filling their carts with massive slabs of ribs, over-sized containers of breakfast cereal, and twenty pound containers of athletic socks.
But I digress...
The point of this exercise is what happened when we got to the checkout line. It was more Ellis Island than orderly checkout, with people meticulously studying the lines to figure out which would move the quickest, allowing them to escape back into the blazing heat that surrounded the building outside.
As usual, I gravitated to the self-checkout line, as the lines were generally shorter then in the employee assisted lines. There were four of them at this particular Costco location, with every line with at least four carts. I scanned intently, trying to locate the quickest exit from this checkout Armageddon. The line furthest to the right had two carts so full that memories of Y2K came flashing back to me, so that line was definitely out. The line next to it had more moderately filled carts, but the average ages of the consumers were well over 60, indicating a high probability of technology overload when they get to checkout, with the aforementioned consumer scanning the same "one-year supply" box of cheerios six times before realizing their error and standing in place helplessly while they look for employee assistance.
This left two lines for my consideration. The line to the right had more people in it, but the carts were lightly filled, whereas the line to the left had one full cart and two people carrying items with no cart. My decision was made for me by the line on the right, as the person scanning their wares stopped and yelled out "I need some help over here", quickly followed by a hands-on-the-hips pose that stated "Costco, your machinery sucks and this delay is not my fault!". Thus, by default, we ended up in the line to the left.
Bad choice.
The two people hand carrying their purchases proceeded to checkout at an acceptable pace. No one set any land speed records scanning and paying, but they did not dawdle around either. It was the full cart that ended up tricking me. It was a younger couple, with the gentleman in a wheelchair and the wife holding their 3-4 year old child while waiting in line. At this point the debacle began, as the female handed the child to the male and prepared to scan the contents over the conveniently placed scanner. However, in this particular case, the female wanted to make sure that the male was aware of everything she was scanning, thus she would pick up an item out of the cart, walk the 5 yards to where the male was holding the child in his wheelchair, look at the item and then take it back over to scan. Additionally, the female was not familiar with bar code technology, as she would spin the purchase until she could physically see the UPC, and then firmly place the item on top of the scanner and move it back and forth vigorously. Then, as the scanner announced the price of the item, she would stare at the screen and then the item to verify that was in fact what she was willing to pay for it.
I bench marked our line against all the others to my right. Needless to say people who were still pondering Sirloin or T-bone when Melody and I first got into line were now merrily headed toward their vehicles as we grew roots behind this couple. Of course we thought about getting in another line, but they kept filling up with the people who had gotten in line behind us and realized they picked the losing horse in the checkout race. When she finally completed her ritual, she then produced enough coupons to wallpaper a small two bedroom house, again pressing them firmly against the glass scanner. At this point I hear an audible groan behind me, and then the noise of squeaky cart wheels in search of greener pastures.
So about 20 minutes later than anticipated, I get to my car and on my way. I write this in the way of a warning, as this couple did not give off the normal tell-tale signs of checkout scanner avoidance. But if you get in line behind a normal looking young couple with a child and a wheelchair, get in any other line available, or ... better yet... just put the stuff back on the shelves and proceed to the nearest exit.
Yesterday the wife and I went to the northern reaches of Cincinnati to the Costco store at Tri-County. Costco, as you probably already know, is a "big box" discounter that competes with Sam's Club and BJ's stores across the USA. As a practice, we try to go there when it is quiet, usually right after they open or near their closing time. But circumstances dictated that we had to go during weekend peak hours, when everyone and their grandmother were roaming the aisles, filling their carts with massive slabs of ribs, over-sized containers of breakfast cereal, and twenty pound containers of athletic socks.
But I digress...
The point of this exercise is what happened when we got to the checkout line. It was more Ellis Island than orderly checkout, with people meticulously studying the lines to figure out which would move the quickest, allowing them to escape back into the blazing heat that surrounded the building outside.
As usual, I gravitated to the self-checkout line, as the lines were generally shorter then in the employee assisted lines. There were four of them at this particular Costco location, with every line with at least four carts. I scanned intently, trying to locate the quickest exit from this checkout Armageddon. The line furthest to the right had two carts so full that memories of Y2K came flashing back to me, so that line was definitely out. The line next to it had more moderately filled carts, but the average ages of the consumers were well over 60, indicating a high probability of technology overload when they get to checkout, with the aforementioned consumer scanning the same "one-year supply" box of cheerios six times before realizing their error and standing in place helplessly while they look for employee assistance.
This left two lines for my consideration. The line to the right had more people in it, but the carts were lightly filled, whereas the line to the left had one full cart and two people carrying items with no cart. My decision was made for me by the line on the right, as the person scanning their wares stopped and yelled out "I need some help over here", quickly followed by a hands-on-the-hips pose that stated "Costco, your machinery sucks and this delay is not my fault!". Thus, by default, we ended up in the line to the left.
Bad choice.
The two people hand carrying their purchases proceeded to checkout at an acceptable pace. No one set any land speed records scanning and paying, but they did not dawdle around either. It was the full cart that ended up tricking me. It was a younger couple, with the gentleman in a wheelchair and the wife holding their 3-4 year old child while waiting in line. At this point the debacle began, as the female handed the child to the male and prepared to scan the contents over the conveniently placed scanner. However, in this particular case, the female wanted to make sure that the male was aware of everything she was scanning, thus she would pick up an item out of the cart, walk the 5 yards to where the male was holding the child in his wheelchair, look at the item and then take it back over to scan. Additionally, the female was not familiar with bar code technology, as she would spin the purchase until she could physically see the UPC, and then firmly place the item on top of the scanner and move it back and forth vigorously. Then, as the scanner announced the price of the item, she would stare at the screen and then the item to verify that was in fact what she was willing to pay for it.
I bench marked our line against all the others to my right. Needless to say people who were still pondering Sirloin or T-bone when Melody and I first got into line were now merrily headed toward their vehicles as we grew roots behind this couple. Of course we thought about getting in another line, but they kept filling up with the people who had gotten in line behind us and realized they picked the losing horse in the checkout race. When she finally completed her ritual, she then produced enough coupons to wallpaper a small two bedroom house, again pressing them firmly against the glass scanner. At this point I hear an audible groan behind me, and then the noise of squeaky cart wheels in search of greener pastures.
So about 20 minutes later than anticipated, I get to my car and on my way. I write this in the way of a warning, as this couple did not give off the normal tell-tale signs of checkout scanner avoidance. But if you get in line behind a normal looking young couple with a child and a wheelchair, get in any other line available, or ... better yet... just put the stuff back on the shelves and proceed to the nearest exit.
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Finance Reform War of 2010
Dear Congressman,
Today I present a play in four acts, re-enacting the Finance Reform battle on a "boots on the ground" level.
Act One: A Call to Arms
The scene is a street corner somewhere in a major city in the Northeast. A man in a straw hat and a megaphone is standing on the corner.
Megaphone man: Hear me fellow citizens! The time to fight is now! Gather here to enlist in the coming battle!
Gang of average citizens (yeah, I know... ripping off the Greek tragedies...) : We are poor and getting poorer!
Megaphone man: That's right citizens! And it is the fault of the greedy 3 piece suit bankers! They tried to lead us over a cliff, so now we have to fight! Fight I say ... fight...
Gang of average citizens: We will fight and defeat the evil bankers! Where do we sign!
(two greedy 3 piece suit bankers hover at the back of the pack)
Greedy 3 piece suit banker #1: They look pretty pissed.
Greedy 3 piece suit banker #2: I agree ... we better play along for now.
Gang of average citizens & two greedy 3 piece suit bankers: We will fight and defeat the evil bankers! We will fight and defeat the evil bankers!
Act Two: In the trenches
Cut to a trench on the front lines. There is the occasional whistle of a bullet and artillery shell exploding in the distance. Someone nearby is playing a harmonica, very badly. A private lights two cigarettes and hands one to a Sergeant.
Private: Hear you go Sarge...
Sergeant: (inhales and blows smoke) Thanks Labarski. Damn quiet today on the financial front.
Private: I'm with ya, Sarge. Thought those investment banks would have attacked by now, it's been three days since the last assault.
Sergeant: Yup, looks like they have gone back to the drawing board to come up with new charges.
Private: (with fearful look) Frontal, Sir?
Sergeant: That would be refreshing, but no.. I think it will be another flank assault with excess fees and, when we are most exposed, a major overdraft charge.
Private: (now crying) I don't know how many more charges I can take sir...
Sergeant pats Private on the shoulder while looking off into the distance...
Act Three: Crisis of battle
A General walks in the room and stares at a map on table, surrounded by his chief aide, an intelligence Colonel , and a civilian advisor.
General: Report!
Chief aide: Sir, it appears that the enemy has called off their assault on the Representative front and are concentrating their forces on the Senatorial battle area. Reports are coming in that they are being fairly successful in their attacks on the right flank.
Intelligence Colonel: Sir, that is the Republican Sector. I believe they will hold, sir.
Civilian advisor: I'm not so sure about that Colonel. My sources tell me that the Republican units are openly surrendering to the other side.
Intelligence Colonel: I'll have you know I served a tour or two with the Republican Brigade in both the Sterns offensive and the Lehman invasion, and there is no way that they would .....
General: No, Colonel. He's right. The reports are true. The enemy is blanketing them with free checking, below market interest rates loans, and generous campaign contributions for all. They don't stand a chance.
Chief aide: Sir, they don't fight fair, do they Sir.
General: No son, they don't. We can only pray that the line holds...
Act Four: Armistice
(two reports sit in a news room sharing cigars and whiskey in paper cups, outside the window of the 5th story room can be seen a large group of people celebrating in a town square under streetlights)
Reporter 1: Wow, still can't believe the war is over.
Reporter 2: Yeah, it was a hell of a struggle.
Reporter 1: By the way, who actually won?
Reporter 2: I was gonna ask you.
Reporter 1: (shrugs) I can't tell from the treaty. I've been reading it for the last three hours and can't make heads or tales of what it means or who gets what.
Reporter 2: You know what I say, whatever makes the bosses happy is what we report.
Reporter 1 : (laughing) Too true! Here's to the armistice.
Reprorter 2: (holds up paper cup) A toast to the armistice!
THE END
Today I present a play in four acts, re-enacting the Finance Reform battle on a "boots on the ground" level.
Act One: A Call to Arms
The scene is a street corner somewhere in a major city in the Northeast. A man in a straw hat and a megaphone is standing on the corner.
Megaphone man: Hear me fellow citizens! The time to fight is now! Gather here to enlist in the coming battle!
Gang of average citizens (yeah, I know... ripping off the Greek tragedies...) : We are poor and getting poorer!
Megaphone man: That's right citizens! And it is the fault of the greedy 3 piece suit bankers! They tried to lead us over a cliff, so now we have to fight! Fight I say ... fight...
Gang of average citizens: We will fight and defeat the evil bankers! Where do we sign!
(two greedy 3 piece suit bankers hover at the back of the pack)
Greedy 3 piece suit banker #1: They look pretty pissed.
Greedy 3 piece suit banker #2: I agree ... we better play along for now.
Gang of average citizens & two greedy 3 piece suit bankers: We will fight and defeat the evil bankers! We will fight and defeat the evil bankers!
Act Two: In the trenches
Cut to a trench on the front lines. There is the occasional whistle of a bullet and artillery shell exploding in the distance. Someone nearby is playing a harmonica, very badly. A private lights two cigarettes and hands one to a Sergeant.
Private: Hear you go Sarge...
Sergeant: (inhales and blows smoke) Thanks Labarski. Damn quiet today on the financial front.
Private: I'm with ya, Sarge. Thought those investment banks would have attacked by now, it's been three days since the last assault.
Sergeant: Yup, looks like they have gone back to the drawing board to come up with new charges.
Private: (with fearful look) Frontal, Sir?
Sergeant: That would be refreshing, but no.. I think it will be another flank assault with excess fees and, when we are most exposed, a major overdraft charge.
Private: (now crying) I don't know how many more charges I can take sir...
Sergeant pats Private on the shoulder while looking off into the distance...
Act Three: Crisis of battle
A General walks in the room and stares at a map on table, surrounded by his chief aide, an intelligence Colonel , and a civilian advisor.
General: Report!
Chief aide: Sir, it appears that the enemy has called off their assault on the Representative front and are concentrating their forces on the Senatorial battle area. Reports are coming in that they are being fairly successful in their attacks on the right flank.
Intelligence Colonel: Sir, that is the Republican Sector. I believe they will hold, sir.
Civilian advisor: I'm not so sure about that Colonel. My sources tell me that the Republican units are openly surrendering to the other side.
Intelligence Colonel: I'll have you know I served a tour or two with the Republican Brigade in both the Sterns offensive and the Lehman invasion, and there is no way that they would .....
General: No, Colonel. He's right. The reports are true. The enemy is blanketing them with free checking, below market interest rates loans, and generous campaign contributions for all. They don't stand a chance.
Chief aide: Sir, they don't fight fair, do they Sir.
General: No son, they don't. We can only pray that the line holds...
Act Four: Armistice
(two reports sit in a news room sharing cigars and whiskey in paper cups, outside the window of the 5th story room can be seen a large group of people celebrating in a town square under streetlights)
Reporter 1: Wow, still can't believe the war is over.
Reporter 2: Yeah, it was a hell of a struggle.
Reporter 1: By the way, who actually won?
Reporter 2: I was gonna ask you.
Reporter 1: (shrugs) I can't tell from the treaty. I've been reading it for the last three hours and can't make heads or tales of what it means or who gets what.
Reporter 2: You know what I say, whatever makes the bosses happy is what we report.
Reporter 1 : (laughing) Too true! Here's to the armistice.
Reprorter 2: (holds up paper cup) A toast to the armistice!
THE END
Friday, July 9, 2010
Greetings from American...
Dear Congressman,
You are probably not aware, but the purpose of this blog is to generally bring things to your attention that you might miss while roaming the dark and dangerous halls of Congress. As you are fully engaged in your constant fight against those keep-your-hands-off my-money, my-guns, and my-God, conservatives, (not to mention choking to death in the back doorway from all that second hand smoke that John Boehner generates) I thought it might be useful to hear from one of your constituents on the lighter side of life in Hamilton County.
In fact, as I was cleaning up around my new digs, I found a small stash of postcards that had been glued to the bottom of the mail box on the corner. I thought I would share a few excerpts with you:
5/14/1992
Dear Vladimir,
I hope things are well at home. I arrived and am settling into town called Cincinnati. Kind of like Minsk, only cleaner. Will send more info when have it. Regards, Boris
3/26/1993
Dear Vladimir,
Finally figured out why everyone was figuring out I was from Russia. You didn't tell me no one here greets each other as Comrade. That would have been helpful. Regards, Boris
12/26/1994
Dear Vladimir,
Went to first Christmas party here with friends from work. No one here drinks vodka till they pass out, so was boring party. Have made many friends in Cincinnati, but only secrets I have learned is that friend Mary from factory has a crush on boss Jason, and Simon from Motor Licensing Office has strange obsession with rubbing hand on goats. Regards, Boris
7/11/1996
Dear Vladimir,
Your tone on last message was harsh, that is why there has been no message for over a year. I realize Motherland has spent many rubles on my mission, but mission is hard. You expect me to blend in and get big secrets from decadent USA in a year or two? I am still trying to understand baseball, so penetrating military buildings will have to wait. Regards, Boris
3/3/1997
Dear Vladimir,
Starting to mix in better now I have learned English better. Again, would have helped to make people here think I am from Ohio if I had been taught English before being pushed out of airplane over New Jersey. Good news! Met girl in bar yesterday who works for company that make something secret call MRE for US military. She said military can't function without MRE so most be something very important! Will send more details as I learn them. Regards, Boris
1/7/1998
Dear Vladimir,
I realize you had much surprise over my request for many US dollars to attend college here, but am limited on covert intelligence working in factory for small dollars. University is good place for recruitment of agents, as I noticed every other student had on Che Guevara t-shirt. Plus, I maybe be able to get job at this secret MRE factory when I finish. Regards, Boris
1/7/2002
Dear Vladimir,
Sorry I have not written in some time, but it was a little extreme to have that goon show up at my loft apartment and threaten my family's well-being if I do not re-open communications. How do you expect me to concentrate on finding the fatal flaws of this country if I am worried to death that my darling Mimiska is freezing to death in a gulag in northern Siberia. After all, I nearly have my degree in liberal arts, which should be a shoe in to a career in the CIA, NSA, FBI, or ... if we are lucky, a job at the MRE factory. Regards, Boris
2/28/2004
Dear Vladimir,
Did not get job at CIA, NSA, FBI, or the MRE factory, but good news. I got job at City of Cincinnati Park Facilities. This will allow me to be in parks at anytime for dead drops and to keep an eye on all covert activities that US spies are performing in Cincinnati Parks. It is a glorious day, comrade! BTW- I thought I made it clear that I do not want anyone following me around anymore after that visit from your goon 2 years ago. Please tell the two men in the car outside my apartment to get lost. On second thoughts, don't worry about it. I will tell them myself once I put this under the mail box. Respectfully, Boris
You are probably not aware, but the purpose of this blog is to generally bring things to your attention that you might miss while roaming the dark and dangerous halls of Congress. As you are fully engaged in your constant fight against those keep-your-hands-off my-money, my-guns, and my-God, conservatives, (not to mention choking to death in the back doorway from all that second hand smoke that John Boehner generates) I thought it might be useful to hear from one of your constituents on the lighter side of life in Hamilton County.
In fact, as I was cleaning up around my new digs, I found a small stash of postcards that had been glued to the bottom of the mail box on the corner. I thought I would share a few excerpts with you:
5/14/1992
Dear Vladimir,
I hope things are well at home. I arrived and am settling into town called Cincinnati. Kind of like Minsk, only cleaner. Will send more info when have it. Regards, Boris
3/26/1993
Dear Vladimir,
Finally figured out why everyone was figuring out I was from Russia. You didn't tell me no one here greets each other as Comrade. That would have been helpful. Regards, Boris
12/26/1994
Dear Vladimir,
Went to first Christmas party here with friends from work. No one here drinks vodka till they pass out, so was boring party. Have made many friends in Cincinnati, but only secrets I have learned is that friend Mary from factory has a crush on boss Jason, and Simon from Motor Licensing Office has strange obsession with rubbing hand on goats. Regards, Boris
7/11/1996
Dear Vladimir,
Your tone on last message was harsh, that is why there has been no message for over a year. I realize Motherland has spent many rubles on my mission, but mission is hard. You expect me to blend in and get big secrets from decadent USA in a year or two? I am still trying to understand baseball, so penetrating military buildings will have to wait. Regards, Boris
3/3/1997
Dear Vladimir,
Starting to mix in better now I have learned English better. Again, would have helped to make people here think I am from Ohio if I had been taught English before being pushed out of airplane over New Jersey. Good news! Met girl in bar yesterday who works for company that make something secret call MRE for US military. She said military can't function without MRE so most be something very important! Will send more details as I learn them. Regards, Boris
1/7/1998
Dear Vladimir,
I realize you had much surprise over my request for many US dollars to attend college here, but am limited on covert intelligence working in factory for small dollars. University is good place for recruitment of agents, as I noticed every other student had on Che Guevara t-shirt. Plus, I maybe be able to get job at this secret MRE factory when I finish. Regards, Boris
1/7/2002
Dear Vladimir,
Sorry I have not written in some time, but it was a little extreme to have that goon show up at my loft apartment and threaten my family's well-being if I do not re-open communications. How do you expect me to concentrate on finding the fatal flaws of this country if I am worried to death that my darling Mimiska is freezing to death in a gulag in northern Siberia. After all, I nearly have my degree in liberal arts, which should be a shoe in to a career in the CIA, NSA, FBI, or ... if we are lucky, a job at the MRE factory. Regards, Boris
2/28/2004
Dear Vladimir,
Did not get job at CIA, NSA, FBI, or the MRE factory, but good news. I got job at City of Cincinnati Park Facilities. This will allow me to be in parks at anytime for dead drops and to keep an eye on all covert activities that US spies are performing in Cincinnati Parks. It is a glorious day, comrade! BTW- I thought I made it clear that I do not want anyone following me around anymore after that visit from your goon 2 years ago. Please tell the two men in the car outside my apartment to get lost. On second thoughts, don't worry about it. I will tell them myself once I put this under the mail box. Respectfully, Boris
Friday, July 2, 2010
Welcome to the blog
Dear Congressman,
I just wanted to take a second to introduce myself as your newest constituent. As of last Friday I moved from Fairfield, OH into City West, thus becoming a resident of the City of Cincinnati. Previously I was a resident in the district of your esteemed chain smoking colleague, the Honorable Mr. John Boehner. However, with the moving being completed as I type (there are still a few things up in the house in Fairfield) I will now be converting my "blogging muse" from Mr. Boehner to yourself.
Please don't be too concerned by the "blogging muse" model as the idea started with my brother's service in Iraq and my attempts to keep him sane www.boringblogforbrotheriniraq.blogspot.com and moved to my congressman www.boringblogforboehner.blogspot.com after I realized that I need a reason to blog other than just breathing and getting out of bed.
So, as long as you remain in office, you are the new muse. Congrats...
I just wanted to take a second to introduce myself as your newest constituent. As of last Friday I moved from Fairfield, OH into City West, thus becoming a resident of the City of Cincinnati. Previously I was a resident in the district of your esteemed chain smoking colleague, the Honorable Mr. John Boehner. However, with the moving being completed as I type (there are still a few things up in the house in Fairfield) I will now be converting my "blogging muse" from Mr. Boehner to yourself.
Please don't be too concerned by the "blogging muse" model as the idea started with my brother's service in Iraq and my attempts to keep him sane www.boringblogforbrotheriniraq.blogspot.com and moved to my congressman www.boringblogforboehner.blogspot.com after I realized that I need a reason to blog other than just breathing and getting out of bed.
So, as long as you remain in office, you are the new muse. Congrats...
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