Dear Congressman,
Today I present a play in four acts, re-enacting the Finance Reform battle on a "boots on the ground" level.
Act One: A Call to Arms
The scene is a street corner somewhere in a major city in the Northeast. A man in a straw hat and a megaphone is standing on the corner.
Megaphone man: Hear me fellow citizens! The time to fight is now! Gather here to enlist in the coming battle!
Gang of average citizens (yeah, I know... ripping off the Greek tragedies...) : We are poor and getting poorer!
Megaphone man: That's right citizens! And it is the fault of the greedy 3 piece suit bankers! They tried to lead us over a cliff, so now we have to fight! Fight I say ... fight...
Gang of average citizens: We will fight and defeat the evil bankers! Where do we sign!
(two greedy 3 piece suit bankers hover at the back of the pack)
Greedy 3 piece suit banker #1: They look pretty pissed.
Greedy 3 piece suit banker #2: I agree ... we better play along for now.
Gang of average citizens & two greedy 3 piece suit bankers: We will fight and defeat the evil bankers! We will fight and defeat the evil bankers!
Act Two: In the trenches
Cut to a trench on the front lines. There is the occasional whistle of a bullet and artillery shell exploding in the distance. Someone nearby is playing a harmonica, very badly. A private lights two cigarettes and hands one to a Sergeant.
Private: Hear you go Sarge...
Sergeant: (inhales and blows smoke) Thanks Labarski. Damn quiet today on the financial front.
Private: I'm with ya, Sarge. Thought those investment banks would have attacked by now, it's been three days since the last assault.
Sergeant: Yup, looks like they have gone back to the drawing board to come up with new charges.
Private: (with fearful look) Frontal, Sir?
Sergeant: That would be refreshing, but no.. I think it will be another flank assault with excess fees and, when we are most exposed, a major overdraft charge.
Private: (now crying) I don't know how many more charges I can take sir...
Sergeant pats Private on the shoulder while looking off into the distance...
Act Three: Crisis of battle
A General walks in the room and stares at a map on table, surrounded by his chief aide, an intelligence Colonel , and a civilian advisor.
General: Report!
Chief aide: Sir, it appears that the enemy has called off their assault on the Representative front and are concentrating their forces on the Senatorial battle area. Reports are coming in that they are being fairly successful in their attacks on the right flank.
Intelligence Colonel: Sir, that is the Republican Sector. I believe they will hold, sir.
Civilian advisor: I'm not so sure about that Colonel. My sources tell me that the Republican units are openly surrendering to the other side.
Intelligence Colonel: I'll have you know I served a tour or two with the Republican Brigade in both the Sterns offensive and the Lehman invasion, and there is no way that they would .....
General: No, Colonel. He's right. The reports are true. The enemy is blanketing them with free checking, below market interest rates loans, and generous campaign contributions for all. They don't stand a chance.
Chief aide: Sir, they don't fight fair, do they Sir.
General: No son, they don't. We can only pray that the line holds...
Act Four: Armistice
(two reports sit in a news room sharing cigars and whiskey in paper cups, outside the window of the 5th story room can be seen a large group of people celebrating in a town square under streetlights)
Reporter 1: Wow, still can't believe the war is over.
Reporter 2: Yeah, it was a hell of a struggle.
Reporter 1: By the way, who actually won?
Reporter 2: I was gonna ask you.
Reporter 1: (shrugs) I can't tell from the treaty. I've been reading it for the last three hours and can't make heads or tales of what it means or who gets what.
Reporter 2: You know what I say, whatever makes the bosses happy is what we report.
Reporter 1 : (laughing) Too true! Here's to the armistice.
Reprorter 2: (holds up paper cup) A toast to the armistice!
THE END
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