Greetings from American...

Dear Congressman,

You are probably not aware, but the purpose of this blog is to generally bring things to your attention that you might miss while roaming the dark and dangerous halls of Congress. As you are fully engaged in your constant fight against those keep-your-hands-off my-money, my-guns, and my-God, conservatives, (not to mention choking to death in the back doorway from all that second hand smoke that John Boehner generates) I thought it might be useful to hear from one of your constituents on the lighter side of life in Hamilton County.

In fact, as I was cleaning up around my new digs, I found a small stash of postcards that had been glued to the bottom of the mail box on the corner. I thought I would share a few excerpts with you:

5/14/1992
Dear Vladimir,
I hope things are well at home. I arrived and am settling into town called Cincinnati. Kind of like Minsk, only cleaner. Will send more info when have it. Regards, Boris

3/26/1993
Dear Vladimir,
Finally figured out why everyone was figuring out I was from Russia. You didn't tell me no one here greets each other as Comrade. That would have been helpful. Regards, Boris

12/26/1994
Dear Vladimir,
Went to first Christmas party here with friends from work. No one here drinks vodka till they pass out, so was boring party. Have made many friends in Cincinnati, but only secrets I have learned is that friend Mary from factory has a crush on boss Jason, and Simon from Motor Licensing Office has strange obsession with rubbing hand on goats. Regards, Boris

7/11/1996
Dear Vladimir,
Your tone on last message was harsh, that is why there has been no message for over a year. I realize Motherland has spent many rubles on my mission, but mission is hard. You expect me to blend in and get big secrets from decadent USA in a year or two? I am still trying to understand baseball, so penetrating military buildings will have to wait. Regards, Boris

3/3/1997
Dear Vladimir,
Starting to mix in better now I have learned English better. Again, would have helped to make people here think I am from Ohio if I had been taught English before being pushed out of airplane over New Jersey. Good news! Met girl in bar yesterday who works for company that make something secret call MRE for US military. She said military can't function without MRE so most be something very important! Will send more details as I learn them. Regards, Boris

1/7/1998
Dear Vladimir,
I realize you had much surprise over my request for many US dollars to attend college here, but am limited on covert intelligence working in factory for small dollars. University is good place for recruitment of agents, as I noticed every other student had on Che Guevara t-shirt. Plus, I maybe be able to get job at this secret MRE factory when I finish. Regards, Boris

1/7/2002
Dear Vladimir,
Sorry I have not written in some time, but it was a little extreme to have that goon show up at my loft apartment and threaten my family's well-being if I do not re-open communications. How do you expect me to concentrate on finding the fatal flaws of this country if I am worried to death that my darling Mimiska is freezing to death in a gulag in northern Siberia. After all, I nearly have my degree in liberal arts, which should be a shoe in to a career in the CIA, NSA, FBI, or ... if we are lucky, a job at the MRE factory. Regards, Boris

2/28/2004
Dear Vladimir,
Did not get job at CIA, NSA, FBI, or the MRE factory, but good news. I got job at City of Cincinnati Park Facilities. This will allow me to be in parks at anytime for dead drops and to keep an eye on all covert activities that US spies are performing in Cincinnati Parks. It is a glorious day, comrade! BTW- I thought I made it clear that I do not want anyone following me around anymore after that visit from your goon 2 years ago. Please tell the two men in the car outside my apartment to get lost. On second thoughts, don't worry about it. I will tell them myself once I put this under the mail box. Respectfully, Boris