All good things come to an end

Dear Congressman,

Well, after less than six months as my new muse since moving into your district, I now will have to wind up this blog as, due to the fickle nature of the US voting public, you have been the victim of "throw the bums out" micro mentality that rotates politicians in this country faster than bridezilla goes through wedding planners.

So today, as an unfortunate necessity, we must break out the term "lame duck". It's origins, according to Wikipedia, are from the 18th century and the London Stock Exchange, as a term for an individual who could not cover their debts.

And how does that transfer to politics? No one seems to be quite sure, but the first recorded use in American was in January 1863 in the Congressional Record : “In no event . . . could the Court of Claims be justly obnoxious to the charge of being a receptacle of ‘lame ducks’ or broken down politicians".

Personally, I would rather be a lame duck than a broken down politician, but sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.

So... what to do as a lame duck? That depends on whether you plan on running for public office again. If you do, then as a lame duck, you do exactly what your party tells you to do.

But it is more fun if you decide not to run for office again. Because then, so a short period of time, you can be an anomaly in Washington D.C. : an elected official who speaks his or her mind and does not give a monkey's backside what anyone else thinks.

Here's a couple of ideas for making a splash on your exit from the House of Representatives:

1. Get together with all the rest of the lame ducks go skinny dipping in the fountain in front of the Capitol Building. Then again, after seeing most of your peers with their clothes on, that idea might cause enduring trauma to journalists and small school children. Never mind...

2. Present a bill on the floor of the House than bans smoking anywhere within a mile of the House chambers. You would all but guarantee that John Boehner would miss every major vote due to his consistent love of chain smoking, not to mention turn him a deeper shade of orange whenever the topic is brought up.

3. Present an earmark for the next spending bill that provides $250,000 to build a moat around your house in Cincinnati. Justify this by stating that your opponent ran such a vicious campaign that you have received death threats from all those Glen Beck followers who seem to truly believe that it was not enough to vote you out of office, but that they must make sure you never run again.

4. Make a speech on the House floor that explains to the world the great qualities of your family pet, Blazer the French Poodle. Make sure you include the funny story about the time he tried to mount Blaine, the family cat.

and finally,

5. During the countdown to your final 30 days in office, post a memo on the door to your offices in Congress once a day that notes what was offered to you in the way of a "gift to the party" by your local friendly lobbyists. To make this more fun, start with the smallest "offer" and work your way up to the "grand grafter". Be sure to thank the lobbyist's sponsor in bold letters at the bottom of the sign.

Just a thought...