Dear Congressman,
It appears that our very own Cincinnati Bengals have both Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson (aka Batman and Robin) vying to be the starting wide receivers for the offense. They even brought in a replica vintage Batmobile from the TV show to pose for a picture at Paul Brown Stadium the other day. Thus it appears that even if the Bengals revert back to being the Bungles, at least it will be entertaining.
But since we have comic book characters on both ends of the offensive line, I thought... well heck... why stop there? Here are a couple of more suggestions for signings to the team to sweep Cincinnati on to the Superbowl.
1966 Dodge Charger: A perfect addition to beef up the offensive line, the original Charger with the optional 426 Hemi can be signed for a small performance bonus and no hit to the salary cap, except for fuel and minimum wage for a driver during games. This little beauty is sure to clear a hole for Cedric Benson to run to his heart's content through opposing defenses.
Leatherface: On the condition that they can get his release from death row in Huntsville, Texas, this chainsaw wielding special teams player can either chop-block with the best of them or carve his way through blockers while trying to reach the ball carrier. Either way, the results are sure to bring the blood lust to the multitudes of fans watching the spectacle of Leatherface at his best.
Elin Maria Pernilla Nordegren- who better than Tiger's ex-wife to man the defensive line. She probably doesn't need the Benjamins after settling with the ex, but as we all know, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and if that rings true this Swedish bombshell should be good for at least 15 sacks as she takes out her rage on the opposition. Plus it will cut down on the food bill as she will still want to watch her figure as she dismantles the other teams quarterback. As a bonus, with all she's been through she should be good for some major trash talk as well.
Lucky Idahor - Lucky is a Nigerian soccer player who plays professionally in the Ukraine for SC Tavriya Simferopol. He would make an excellent candidate for kicking duties for the team. And lets face it, even if he is crap, that name will incite giggles and cheers every time it is announced over the intercom or by Steve Atwater struggling through a CBS broadcast.
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