Dear Congressman,
On Wednesday of this week, the 112th session of the United States Congress will convene and all the new members of congress will be sworn in.
Unfortunately, one of them, Steve Chabot, is your replacement.
So I must bid you adieu with this final blog entry, number 37, and move on to the next iteration of my blog, www.boringblogforchabot.blogspot.com.
I will commit to leave this blog dormant, just in case in 2 years time the US public again wants to "throw the bums out" and you get another chance at representing our district.
In an ironic turn, my former congressman (when I lived in Fairfield, OH) is John Boehner, who was the muse for my last blog (www.boringblogforboehner.blogspot.com), will be sworn in as the 61st Speaker of the House. I guess this is the US version of the Ukrainian "Orange Revolution", complete with an orange-tinted politician.
So, for our own entertainment, lets recap the events of the last six months since I moved into your district:
To the tune of Billy Joel's "We didn't start the fire"
You didn't get elected
So it's time to change this blog's perspective
You didn't get elected
Let's review the year and be reflective....
(July 2010)
Pakistan has a flood
Contador a cycling stud
Oil contained
Spies Exchanged
Spain wins the cup
(August 2010)
Elena Kagan joins the court
US home sales come up short
Stevens dies
Blagojevich lies
Russia stops grain exports
(September 2010)
Unemployment at 9.6
Obama says no to rich
Tony Curtis
Sarah Shourd
poverty rate for crying out loud!
You didn't get elected
So it's time to change this blog's perspective
You didn't get elected
Let's review the year and be reflective
(October 2010)
Chilean miners see the light
Suspicious packages caught in flight
protests in France
Situation's last dance
Mexico drug war reach new heights
(November 2010)
Fed workers get pay freeze
Cambodia had a bad stampede
Leslie Nielsen
Jill Clayburgh
Rangel shamed for misdeeds
(December 2010)
US repeals "don't ask don't tell"
Music's Captain Beefheart fell
Just don't take it personal
As we say to you farewell
This whole planet has gone to hell!!!!
You didn't get elected
So it's time to change this blog's perspective
You didn't get elected
Let's review the year and be reflective....
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Monday, December 27, 2010
Love me do be do be do...
Dear Congressman,
As you prepare to leave Washington and go back to everyday life, it appears on the West Coast that the world's most eligible geriatric, Hugh Hefner, has decided to take another shot at the roller coaster known as holy matrimony, as the gossip press is reporting that he has dropped on one artificial knee and proposed to number one girlfriend, Crystal Harris.
Now, since she is 60 years his younger, one would wonder whether they have anything in common, since he probably has dentures older than she is. But, as with any other couple that are further apart in age than the starting and ending characters in a James Michener novel, there are still things they they share that cement their bond.
He was born in April.
She was born in April.
She born in the year of the the Fire Tiger.
He born in the year of the the Fire Tiger.
She likes gin and tonic.
He used to wear hair tonic.
She grew up in the Great Recession.
He grew up in the Great Depression.
He got rich off Marilyn Monroe.
She got stoned to Marilyn Manson.
She was born during the Reagan administration.
He was bored during the Reagan administration.
She was excited to meet Eddie Murphy.
He was excited to meet Audie Murphy.
She was 10 years old when the internet went public.
He was 10 years old when the television went public.
Her parents dated in the early 80's.
He dated in his early 80's.
He was born the same year as British TV personality Ted Moult.
She was born the same year that British TV personality Ted Moult died.
and if that isn't proof enough:
He loves young women in their early twenties.
She is a young woman in her early twenties.
Makes sense to me...
As you prepare to leave Washington and go back to everyday life, it appears on the West Coast that the world's most eligible geriatric, Hugh Hefner, has decided to take another shot at the roller coaster known as holy matrimony, as the gossip press is reporting that he has dropped on one artificial knee and proposed to number one girlfriend, Crystal Harris.
Now, since she is 60 years his younger, one would wonder whether they have anything in common, since he probably has dentures older than she is. But, as with any other couple that are further apart in age than the starting and ending characters in a James Michener novel, there are still things they they share that cement their bond.
He was born in April.
She was born in April.
She born in the year of the the Fire Tiger.
He born in the year of the the Fire Tiger.
She likes gin and tonic.
He used to wear hair tonic.
She grew up in the Great Recession.
He grew up in the Great Depression.
He got rich off Marilyn Monroe.
She got stoned to Marilyn Manson.
She was born during the Reagan administration.
He was bored during the Reagan administration.
She was excited to meet Eddie Murphy.
He was excited to meet Audie Murphy.
She was 10 years old when the internet went public.
He was 10 years old when the television went public.
Her parents dated in the early 80's.
He dated in his early 80's.
He was born the same year as British TV personality Ted Moult.
She was born the same year that British TV personality Ted Moult died.
and if that isn't proof enough:
He loves young women in their early twenties.
She is a young woman in her early twenties.
Makes sense to me...
Friday, December 24, 2010
Delete this, and then delete me as a contact
Dear Congressman,
The title of this post is the title of an email I received while at work. Personally, it really irritates me when someone uses another person's sacrifice and just automatically assumes that they did it for their particular point of view. The comments in bold are, of course, mine....
My great great grandfather watched as his friends died in the Civil War (didn't he try to save them?)
My grandfather watched as his friends died in WW II (again, I would probably have tried to do something)
and my father watched as my friends died in Vietnam. (you must have older friends that your father didn't like if he didn't help your friends either)
None of them died for the Mexican Flag. (nope, they died serving their country)
Everyone died for the U.S. flag. (I'd like to think they died defending our ideals and freedom, not a piece of fabic that you seem to admire above all other things)
In Texas , a student raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole; another student took it down.
Guess who was expelled...the kid who took it down. (wrong, the flag was hanging on a balcony, and he was suspended for throwing it in the trash as it was someone else's property)
Kids in high school in California were sent home this year on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them. (do you think maybe they were trying to provoke the Hispanic population of Morgan Hill, Ca. by all 5 of them wearing flag shirts and bandanas on their heads? call me when it happens on the 4th of July)
Enough is enough. (my my.. we have a short fuse, don't we!)
The below e-mail message needs to be viewed by every American; and every American needs to stand up for America. (is it okay if I stay seated, or is that too unpatriotic?)
We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough. (actually, you have been bent over by anyone who can afford a lobby in Washington DC)
I'm taking a stand. (if you don't pay for the stand, you will be arrested, as we prosecute thieves in this country)
I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country, and for the U.S. flag can't stand up. (and most American's appreciate their sacrifice without smearing their honor to support their personal adgenda, so before you can say it SHAME ON YOU!)
And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message. (I always love this one, the famous "you are either with us or against us, there is no other option!!!!)
Let me make this perfectly clear! (so far, so good)
THIS IS MY COUNTRY! (really, can I see your title of ownership, here I am paying taxes to the government and I should have been mailing my check to you!)
And, because I make This statement DOES NOT Mean I'm against immigration!!! (glad to hear that, because otherwise you are a really pissed off and misguided native American)
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY! (Thank you! I will sleep better tonight)
Welcome! To come through legally:
1. Get a sponsor! (I take it you or your friends won't be offering your services)
2. Get a place to lay your head! (not too tough, there are a lot of foreclosed houses out there that your fellow Americans got kicked out of by those patriotic American banks)
3. Get a job! (that's a little tougher, as there are over 8 million American's in line before them)
4. Live By OUR Rules! (Ja wohl, mein kommandant)
5. Pay YOUR Taxes! (the Tea Party might disagree with you here)
6. Learn the LANGUAGE like immigrants have in the past!!! (technically, it is usually the next generation that learned the language, as the older ones stayed in support communities ... ie- little Italy, Chinatown...etc)
7. Please don't demand that we hand over our lifetime savings of Social Security Funds to you. (hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no savings account of Social Security Funds, it is a pay-as-you-go system, and contrary to popular folklore, you can not cross the Rio Grande and start collecting Social Security instantly.)
If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,Then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! (guess I am part of the problem, let me know which un-American detention center I am suppose to report to when you take charge)
When will AMERICANS STOP giving away THEIR RIGHTS??? (I don't see anyone breaking down your door for posting this crap, so you already have more rights at that point then 1/3 of the planet's population)
We've gone so far the other way...bent over backwards not to offend anyone. (my guess is that you probably could not bend any further forward either as you have spent more time in the buffet line than at the gym. Not that it is un-American to be obsese...)
But it seems no one cares about the AMERICAN CITIZEN that's being offended! (you do, and that is enough for me!)
If You agree.... Pass this on. (I just passed something but it wasn't this)
If You don't agree.. Delete It!!! (the final line of this misguided tirade is the first time you have presented the greatest gift our veterans have given with their sacrifice (in my opinion): freedom to choose how you wish to live and what you want to say)
(So thank you, Soldiers one and all, thank you.)
The title of this post is the title of an email I received while at work. Personally, it really irritates me when someone uses another person's sacrifice and just automatically assumes that they did it for their particular point of view. The comments in bold are, of course, mine....
My great great grandfather watched as his friends died in the Civil War (didn't he try to save them?)
My grandfather watched as his friends died in WW II (again, I would probably have tried to do something)
and my father watched as my friends died in Vietnam. (you must have older friends that your father didn't like if he didn't help your friends either)
None of them died for the Mexican Flag. (nope, they died serving their country)
Everyone died for the U.S. flag. (I'd like to think they died defending our ideals and freedom, not a piece of fabic that you seem to admire above all other things)
In Texas , a student raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole; another student took it down.
Guess who was expelled...the kid who took it down. (wrong, the flag was hanging on a balcony, and he was suspended for throwing it in the trash as it was someone else's property)
Kids in high school in California were sent home this year on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them. (do you think maybe they were trying to provoke the Hispanic population of Morgan Hill, Ca. by all 5 of them wearing flag shirts and bandanas on their heads? call me when it happens on the 4th of July)
Enough is enough. (my my.. we have a short fuse, don't we!)
The below e-mail message needs to be viewed by every American; and every American needs to stand up for America. (is it okay if I stay seated, or is that too unpatriotic?)
We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough. (actually, you have been bent over by anyone who can afford a lobby in Washington DC)
I'm taking a stand. (if you don't pay for the stand, you will be arrested, as we prosecute thieves in this country)
I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country, and for the U.S. flag can't stand up. (and most American's appreciate their sacrifice without smearing their honor to support their personal adgenda, so before you can say it SHAME ON YOU!)
And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message. (I always love this one, the famous "you are either with us or against us, there is no other option!!!!)
Let me make this perfectly clear! (so far, so good)
THIS IS MY COUNTRY! (really, can I see your title of ownership, here I am paying taxes to the government and I should have been mailing my check to you!)
And, because I make This statement DOES NOT Mean I'm against immigration!!! (glad to hear that, because otherwise you are a really pissed off and misguided native American)
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY! (Thank you! I will sleep better tonight)
Welcome! To come through legally:
1. Get a sponsor! (I take it you or your friends won't be offering your services)
2. Get a place to lay your head! (not too tough, there are a lot of foreclosed houses out there that your fellow Americans got kicked out of by those patriotic American banks)
3. Get a job! (that's a little tougher, as there are over 8 million American's in line before them)
4. Live By OUR Rules! (Ja wohl, mein kommandant)
5. Pay YOUR Taxes! (the Tea Party might disagree with you here)
6. Learn the LANGUAGE like immigrants have in the past!!! (technically, it is usually the next generation that learned the language, as the older ones stayed in support communities ... ie- little Italy, Chinatown...etc)
7. Please don't demand that we hand over our lifetime savings of Social Security Funds to you. (hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no savings account of Social Security Funds, it is a pay-as-you-go system, and contrary to popular folklore, you can not cross the Rio Grande and start collecting Social Security instantly.)
If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,Then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! (guess I am part of the problem, let me know which un-American detention center I am suppose to report to when you take charge)
When will AMERICANS STOP giving away THEIR RIGHTS??? (I don't see anyone breaking down your door for posting this crap, so you already have more rights at that point then 1/3 of the planet's population)
We've gone so far the other way...bent over backwards not to offend anyone. (my guess is that you probably could not bend any further forward either as you have spent more time in the buffet line than at the gym. Not that it is un-American to be obsese...)
But it seems no one cares about the AMERICAN CITIZEN that's being offended! (you do, and that is enough for me!)
If You agree.... Pass this on. (I just passed something but it wasn't this)
If You don't agree.. Delete It!!! (the final line of this misguided tirade is the first time you have presented the greatest gift our veterans have given with their sacrifice (in my opinion): freedom to choose how you wish to live and what you want to say)
(So thank you, Soldiers one and all, thank you.)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Corrections
Dear Congressman,
As you slumber somewhere in the greater DC area after staying up half the night to vote on the "screw the deficit/give me my money!" bill that sailed through the House last week, I was reviewing some corrections from newspapers that never happened, but thought it would be humorous if they did.
From the Topeka Sun Daily:
In yesterday's addition in a story in the Sports section on page 3, we quoted Kansas City Chief's ex-running back Larry Johnson as stating: You all are the biggest bunch of racists M!@#$( F(@%$%ers I ever done met. Due an error in transcription, Mr Johnson actually said: Does anyone have a Ricola? Thank you!" We apologize for any confusion this error may have caused.
From the Sacramento Herald
Yesterday, in our headline story, we made a minor error when discussing the charges against Congressman Trueall as filed by the Sacramento Police Department. The story should have read that Mr. Trueall was arrested and charged with jaywalking, but instead we stated that Mr. Trueall was arrested in the nude while running down Capital Mall holding two lit roman candles and barking like a dog. We hope our typo did not cause any undo harm to interested parties and regret the mistake.
From the St. Petersburg Vision
It has come to our attention that there were several errors in our story in last Sunday's Living Section entitled "Brian Grayson: Retired Bank President enjoys new life". We received several calls from patrons of the "Salt Shaker Lounge" to refute that Mr. Grayson has ever bought a round of drinks for regular attendees, let alone the multiple times Mr. Grayson has claimed to have done. Additionally, in reference to the incident where Mr. Grayson described rescuing a neighbor's cat from a tree, the neighbor's lawyer indicated that his client, Mr. Grayson's neighbor, did not consider blasting away at his cat with a shotgun while in a drunken stupor a "rescue attempt" and was still considering his legal options in this matter.
and finally...
From the Loma Linda Times
In yesterday's lead story, we reported that Mayor Frank Lindenwald did not return a call as part of our expose on bribes, kickbacks, and graft in City Hall. After we had already gone to print, a person who inferred that he was a representative of the Mayor's office did pay a visit to our offices yesterday to discuss the story, and as part of the agreement to mitigate potential future arson issues at our place of work, we hereby retract all allegations in yesterday's story. In fact, we don't even know who's idea it was to print such as bunch of lame lies and innuendo and when we find out we will be the first to fire them!
As you slumber somewhere in the greater DC area after staying up half the night to vote on the "screw the deficit/give me my money!" bill that sailed through the House last week, I was reviewing some corrections from newspapers that never happened, but thought it would be humorous if they did.
From the Topeka Sun Daily:
In yesterday's addition in a story in the Sports section on page 3, we quoted Kansas City Chief's ex-running back Larry Johnson as stating: You all are the biggest bunch of racists M!@#$( F(@%$%ers I ever done met. Due an error in transcription, Mr Johnson actually said: Does anyone have a Ricola? Thank you!" We apologize for any confusion this error may have caused.
From the Sacramento Herald
Yesterday, in our headline story, we made a minor error when discussing the charges against Congressman Trueall as filed by the Sacramento Police Department. The story should have read that Mr. Trueall was arrested and charged with jaywalking, but instead we stated that Mr. Trueall was arrested in the nude while running down Capital Mall holding two lit roman candles and barking like a dog. We hope our typo did not cause any undo harm to interested parties and regret the mistake.
From the St. Petersburg Vision
It has come to our attention that there were several errors in our story in last Sunday's Living Section entitled "Brian Grayson: Retired Bank President enjoys new life". We received several calls from patrons of the "Salt Shaker Lounge" to refute that Mr. Grayson has ever bought a round of drinks for regular attendees, let alone the multiple times Mr. Grayson has claimed to have done. Additionally, in reference to the incident where Mr. Grayson described rescuing a neighbor's cat from a tree, the neighbor's lawyer indicated that his client, Mr. Grayson's neighbor, did not consider blasting away at his cat with a shotgun while in a drunken stupor a "rescue attempt" and was still considering his legal options in this matter.
and finally...
From the Loma Linda Times
In yesterday's lead story, we reported that Mayor Frank Lindenwald did not return a call as part of our expose on bribes, kickbacks, and graft in City Hall. After we had already gone to print, a person who inferred that he was a representative of the Mayor's office did pay a visit to our offices yesterday to discuss the story, and as part of the agreement to mitigate potential future arson issues at our place of work, we hereby retract all allegations in yesterday's story. In fact, we don't even know who's idea it was to print such as bunch of lame lies and innuendo and when we find out we will be the first to fire them!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Los coffins
Dear Congressman,
As the economy starts to pick up, companies (hopefully) start to re-hire some of the 8 million who were sidelined during this recession as they start to generate more sales that trickle down to the bottom line.
Another way that companies use to protect how they generate income is to protect their products against unfair practices, such as high end retailers (aka - Gucci & Fendi) who fight against cheap knockoffs and Movie distributors who take on all those cheap Chinese & Russian knockoffs of their wares.
So why limit it to just these products? That was exactly the line of thinking that a local company,
Hillenbrand Inc., the largest U.S. maker of coffins, decided about their inventory of caskets. They filed a complaint with the U.S. International Trade Commission as Ataudes Aguilares, a Guadalajara, Mexico company, was importing caskets with "attached memorabilia compartments and mechanisms for letting funeral home directors swap out ornamental corner pieces".
Now, I am all for protecting jobs in these here United States and making sure their is a fair playing field for competition, but let me see if I understand this one:
A container designed to be placed in the ground for all eternity and viewed by mourners who are all looking at the deceased and not the container for approximately two hours tops needs a patent protection against cheap knock offs because ..... well... good point... why?
Let's ask the deceased: "Excuse me sir? Do feel cheated laying in this mexican coffin? Sir? Sir?"
Doesn't seem to matter to the deceased.
Let's ask a close relative. "Excuse me maam? Maam? Can you stop crying for a minute so I can ask you a question? No... okay.. sorry to bother you Maam."
Nope, too upset to notice that the dearly departed is lying in a taco box.
Maybe I am being flippant, but filing suit to protect a box designed to be hidden in less than 48 hours after you have purchased it does not strike me as needing protection from NAFTA. After all, chances part of the reason the deceased is deceased in the first place is the drugs he/she took that were smuggled in from Mexico.
As the economy starts to pick up, companies (hopefully) start to re-hire some of the 8 million who were sidelined during this recession as they start to generate more sales that trickle down to the bottom line.
Another way that companies use to protect how they generate income is to protect their products against unfair practices, such as high end retailers (aka - Gucci & Fendi) who fight against cheap knockoffs and Movie distributors who take on all those cheap Chinese & Russian knockoffs of their wares.
So why limit it to just these products? That was exactly the line of thinking that a local company,
Hillenbrand Inc., the largest U.S. maker of coffins, decided about their inventory of caskets. They filed a complaint with the U.S. International Trade Commission as Ataudes Aguilares, a Guadalajara, Mexico company, was importing caskets with "attached memorabilia compartments and mechanisms for letting funeral home directors swap out ornamental corner pieces".
Now, I am all for protecting jobs in these here United States and making sure their is a fair playing field for competition, but let me see if I understand this one:
A container designed to be placed in the ground for all eternity and viewed by mourners who are all looking at the deceased and not the container for approximately two hours tops needs a patent protection against cheap knock offs because ..... well... good point... why?
Let's ask the deceased: "Excuse me sir? Do feel cheated laying in this mexican coffin? Sir? Sir?"
Doesn't seem to matter to the deceased.
Let's ask a close relative. "Excuse me maam? Maam? Can you stop crying for a minute so I can ask you a question? No... okay.. sorry to bother you Maam."
Nope, too upset to notice that the dearly departed is lying in a taco box.
Maybe I am being flippant, but filing suit to protect a box designed to be hidden in less than 48 hours after you have purchased it does not strike me as needing protection from NAFTA. After all, chances part of the reason the deceased is deceased in the first place is the drugs he/she took that were smuggled in from Mexico.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Fly me...
Dear Congressman,
As part of putting together electronic records for the Cincinnati Airport, I came across an annual report prepared by airport staff in 1968. This guide included airline slogans for the main carriers that flew into the airport during that era. I will list them for you below, however it would not be me if I did not include some rambling of my own as we play "where are they now" to these brilliant snippets of 1960's marketing genius.
Eastern Airlines : Smiling faces going places. This turned out to be untrue, as in 1989 Eastern Airlines declared for bankruptcy protection after being crippled by employee strikes and inability to compete after de-regulation. They limped along until January 1991, when (with no warning) they closed the jet bridges, sent everyone home, and sold off the airplanes. Not too many smiles over that one...
TWA: When your happy, I'm Happy. Too bad they ain't so happy nowadays. TWA was a bastion of USA airline international presence up until the aforementioned airline deregulation act of 1978. After this point, it was pretty much a downward slide for TWA, also fondly referred to as "Try Walking Across" by it's customer base. It was not "third time lucky" for TWA, as their third bankruptcy in less than 10 years in 2001 was basically a staged event to sell the assets of the company to American Airlines. Not too much happiness for TWA employees on that fateful day in April 2001.
Allegheny: You've got a lot more going for you. To be honest, I barely remember this airline. But unlike the first two airlines discussed, this one saw the writing on the wall and was proactive. With our re-occurring theme, deregulation, looming over their regional operations, Allegheny decided that they needed a more "national" name and changed their name to US Air in 1979, Not that it was all peaches and cream after that, as US Air went through some major struggles after 9/11 and were only given a reprieve when purchased by American West in 2005.
Piedmont: Route of the pacemakers. Even though their motto appears to imply that they went into business to transport individuals with heart problems, they actually were a southeastern US success story, as they grew their route system from the Carolinas up into the Ohio valley. In fact, they were so well run and profitable, that US Air decided they needed to join together and purchased them in 1989. Thus, there are no more planes flying with the Piedmont logo on their tails, but the name lives on as a subsidiary of US Air, since they have to occasionally use the name or risk losing the sole rights to the name.
American: Fly the American way. Funny, because that motto makes more sense now then it did back in the 60's. Of course, no need on my part to explain that American Airlines is still around and flying, as they are one of the last major carriers remaining in these United States. But with baggage fees, excess weight baggage fees, additional baggage fees, additional excess weight baggage fees, seat upgrade fees, food service fees, beverage service fees, headset rental fees and blanket/pillow rental fees, you truly are now flying the American way!
Delta: Delta is ready when you are. Delta. through a nasty bankruptcy in the mid 2000's, has now merged with Northwest Airlines and become one of the behemoths of flight. This motto tends to be rather innocuous, implying that Delta will take off on time, feed you when you are hungry, fly to where you want to fly, and have your luggage ready and waiting when you get off the plane. In reality, it is probably one of the best double entendres ever unintentionally written into a slogan. One can't help but envision the substitution of a smiling employee ready to help you with a neanderthal in greasy coveralls holding a wrench ready to beat the tar out of you the first time you say anything that could be misinterpreted as demanding. Because, if you do, Delta is ready when you are...
As part of putting together electronic records for the Cincinnati Airport, I came across an annual report prepared by airport staff in 1968. This guide included airline slogans for the main carriers that flew into the airport during that era. I will list them for you below, however it would not be me if I did not include some rambling of my own as we play "where are they now" to these brilliant snippets of 1960's marketing genius.
Eastern Airlines : Smiling faces going places. This turned out to be untrue, as in 1989 Eastern Airlines declared for bankruptcy protection after being crippled by employee strikes and inability to compete after de-regulation. They limped along until January 1991, when (with no warning) they closed the jet bridges, sent everyone home, and sold off the airplanes. Not too many smiles over that one...
TWA: When your happy, I'm Happy. Too bad they ain't so happy nowadays. TWA was a bastion of USA airline international presence up until the aforementioned airline deregulation act of 1978. After this point, it was pretty much a downward slide for TWA, also fondly referred to as "Try Walking Across" by it's customer base. It was not "third time lucky" for TWA, as their third bankruptcy in less than 10 years in 2001 was basically a staged event to sell the assets of the company to American Airlines. Not too much happiness for TWA employees on that fateful day in April 2001.
Allegheny: You've got a lot more going for you. To be honest, I barely remember this airline. But unlike the first two airlines discussed, this one saw the writing on the wall and was proactive. With our re-occurring theme, deregulation, looming over their regional operations, Allegheny decided that they needed a more "national" name and changed their name to US Air in 1979, Not that it was all peaches and cream after that, as US Air went through some major struggles after 9/11 and were only given a reprieve when purchased by American West in 2005.
Piedmont: Route of the pacemakers. Even though their motto appears to imply that they went into business to transport individuals with heart problems, they actually were a southeastern US success story, as they grew their route system from the Carolinas up into the Ohio valley. In fact, they were so well run and profitable, that US Air decided they needed to join together and purchased them in 1989. Thus, there are no more planes flying with the Piedmont logo on their tails, but the name lives on as a subsidiary of US Air, since they have to occasionally use the name or risk losing the sole rights to the name.
American: Fly the American way. Funny, because that motto makes more sense now then it did back in the 60's. Of course, no need on my part to explain that American Airlines is still around and flying, as they are one of the last major carriers remaining in these United States. But with baggage fees, excess weight baggage fees, additional baggage fees, additional excess weight baggage fees, seat upgrade fees, food service fees, beverage service fees, headset rental fees and blanket/pillow rental fees, you truly are now flying the American way!
Delta: Delta is ready when you are. Delta. through a nasty bankruptcy in the mid 2000's, has now merged with Northwest Airlines and become one of the behemoths of flight. This motto tends to be rather innocuous, implying that Delta will take off on time, feed you when you are hungry, fly to where you want to fly, and have your luggage ready and waiting when you get off the plane. In reality, it is probably one of the best double entendres ever unintentionally written into a slogan. One can't help but envision the substitution of a smiling employee ready to help you with a neanderthal in greasy coveralls holding a wrench ready to beat the tar out of you the first time you say anything that could be misinterpreted as demanding. Because, if you do, Delta is ready when you are...
Sunday, December 12, 2010
All good things come to an end
Dear Congressman,
Well, after less than six months as my new muse since moving into your district, I now will have to wind up this blog as, due to the fickle nature of the US voting public, you have been the victim of "throw the bums out" micro mentality that rotates politicians in this country faster than bridezilla goes through wedding planners.
So today, as an unfortunate necessity, we must break out the term "lame duck". It's origins, according to Wikipedia, are from the 18th century and the London Stock Exchange, as a term for an individual who could not cover their debts.
And how does that transfer to politics? No one seems to be quite sure, but the first recorded use in American was in January 1863 in the Congressional Record : “In no event . . . could the Court of Claims be justly obnoxious to the charge of being a receptacle of ‘lame ducks’ or broken down politicians".
Personally, I would rather be a lame duck than a broken down politician, but sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.
So... what to do as a lame duck? That depends on whether you plan on running for public office again. If you do, then as a lame duck, you do exactly what your party tells you to do.
But it is more fun if you decide not to run for office again. Because then, so a short period of time, you can be an anomaly in Washington D.C. : an elected official who speaks his or her mind and does not give a monkey's backside what anyone else thinks.
Here's a couple of ideas for making a splash on your exit from the House of Representatives:
1. Get together with all the rest of the lame ducks go skinny dipping in the fountain in front of the Capitol Building. Then again, after seeing most of your peers with their clothes on, that idea might cause enduring trauma to journalists and small school children. Never mind...
2. Present a bill on the floor of the House than bans smoking anywhere within a mile of the House chambers. You would all but guarantee that John Boehner would miss every major vote due to his consistent love of chain smoking, not to mention turn him a deeper shade of orange whenever the topic is brought up.
3. Present an earmark for the next spending bill that provides $250,000 to build a moat around your house in Cincinnati. Justify this by stating that your opponent ran such a vicious campaign that you have received death threats from all those Glen Beck followers who seem to truly believe that it was not enough to vote you out of office, but that they must make sure you never run again.
4. Make a speech on the House floor that explains to the world the great qualities of your family pet, Blazer the French Poodle. Make sure you include the funny story about the time he tried to mount Blaine, the family cat.
and finally,
5. During the countdown to your final 30 days in office, post a memo on the door to your offices in Congress once a day that notes what was offered to you in the way of a "gift to the party" by your local friendly lobbyists. To make this more fun, start with the smallest "offer" and work your way up to the "grand grafter". Be sure to thank the lobbyist's sponsor in bold letters at the bottom of the sign.
Just a thought...
Well, after less than six months as my new muse since moving into your district, I now will have to wind up this blog as, due to the fickle nature of the US voting public, you have been the victim of "throw the bums out" micro mentality that rotates politicians in this country faster than bridezilla goes through wedding planners.
So today, as an unfortunate necessity, we must break out the term "lame duck". It's origins, according to Wikipedia, are from the 18th century and the London Stock Exchange, as a term for an individual who could not cover their debts.
And how does that transfer to politics? No one seems to be quite sure, but the first recorded use in American was in January 1863 in the Congressional Record : “In no event . . . could the Court of Claims be justly obnoxious to the charge of being a receptacle of ‘lame ducks’ or broken down politicians".
Personally, I would rather be a lame duck than a broken down politician, but sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.
So... what to do as a lame duck? That depends on whether you plan on running for public office again. If you do, then as a lame duck, you do exactly what your party tells you to do.
But it is more fun if you decide not to run for office again. Because then, so a short period of time, you can be an anomaly in Washington D.C. : an elected official who speaks his or her mind and does not give a monkey's backside what anyone else thinks.
Here's a couple of ideas for making a splash on your exit from the House of Representatives:
1. Get together with all the rest of the lame ducks go skinny dipping in the fountain in front of the Capitol Building. Then again, after seeing most of your peers with their clothes on, that idea might cause enduring trauma to journalists and small school children. Never mind...
2. Present a bill on the floor of the House than bans smoking anywhere within a mile of the House chambers. You would all but guarantee that John Boehner would miss every major vote due to his consistent love of chain smoking, not to mention turn him a deeper shade of orange whenever the topic is brought up.
3. Present an earmark for the next spending bill that provides $250,000 to build a moat around your house in Cincinnati. Justify this by stating that your opponent ran such a vicious campaign that you have received death threats from all those Glen Beck followers who seem to truly believe that it was not enough to vote you out of office, but that they must make sure you never run again.
4. Make a speech on the House floor that explains to the world the great qualities of your family pet, Blazer the French Poodle. Make sure you include the funny story about the time he tried to mount Blaine, the family cat.
and finally,
5. During the countdown to your final 30 days in office, post a memo on the door to your offices in Congress once a day that notes what was offered to you in the way of a "gift to the party" by your local friendly lobbyists. To make this more fun, start with the smallest "offer" and work your way up to the "grand grafter". Be sure to thank the lobbyist's sponsor in bold letters at the bottom of the sign.
Just a thought...
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